I will start by saying that this Journey has not been an easy one, but one of the great privileges of my life is to be allowed to be a part of Logan’s journey.
I will start by saying that when my son first came out to me I remember wanting to keep it a secret. I didn’t want anyone to know, I didn’t know why but I was so worried about what people would think and say. Me, Carly, loud mouth don’t give a shit what people think ever, I shuddered at the thought, the judgment . I also had this fear that my son’s life would now be the most difficult journey he would ever have to face.
A short time after my son came out to myself and his dad I was at a gathering and someone made a comment about "thanking god their sons were not faggots". That was the first time I had been exposed to pure hate against my son, it was a direct hit. That terrified me and angered me, the simple fact that there were people out there, organizations, politicians, strangers and even my own friends that would think and even devote a minute to denying my sons happiness, to hating my son, it was so hard to wrap my head around.
I then realized that my fear of not wanting anyone to know was not about Logan or even him being gay, it was the fear that people wouldn't be able to look past the “GAY’. My son Logan is amazing, he is brilliant,witty,charming, sensitive, funny and so sharp. He has always been an old soul, wise beyond his years. The thought of people not really getting to know him or dismissing him because he is gay both infuriates me and scares me.
Some advice to people who have judged or hated against a gay or lesbian child is this, first off, if you are a parent you may not know what your child is struggling with. If your child is struggling with his or her sexuality they will not be able to come to you for help if you are rattling off hatred toward gays. These children end up hanging themselves cause coming out to a parent who hates who they are is unbearable. If your child is not gay and sits around listening to you preaching hate toward gays, they will take that view and practice that hate toward other children who don’t deserve it.
I want all the haters out there to remember that my child did not wake up one morning and “decide” to be gay. This is not his “choice”, my son was born this way. Honestly do you really think that any of these kids want to choose to be something that is so severely judged and preyed upon with hate and anger by so many. If anything you should look up to and admire my son for having the courage to be honest with not only me but himself and ask for help and support. More then likely it has been a lonely journey that my son had to go through before he got the courage to come out to myself and his father. There are dozens of kids living in fear that by saying who they truly are out loud, it can potentially get them put out of their house, loose a best friend or make their school life unbearable. Take a minute and think of your own child not being able to be who they truly are for years, and what toll that would take on them.
To my son I want to first apologize for my awkward blank stare I gave you when you first came out to me. In my head were a million and one thoughts and fears going through my mind. “I’m GAY” ran through my head a million and one times. Also a flash of that Hillary Swank movie where she plays a lesbian, and she gets severely beat up. Then the movie about the family that comes home for Thanksgiving dinner flashed through my head, there is a gay brother and his boyfriend, and how normal and happy they all were. Diane Keaton (the movie mom) was so OK and cool with it, I sooooo wanted to be her at that moment.
I want you to know I love you, I fell in the love with you the moment I laid my eyes on you. I have and always will love you, since being gay is part of you, I love that you are gay. Wrapping my head around the fact was a little hard at first but when I saw how your friends, co-workers and family surrounded you with love and support it chipped away at a lot of my fears for you, and I realized that was why I was so scared. When you sat me down and told me you will have a wedding, adopt a baby and give me all the things that I would have had if you had a girlfriend I felt a huge weight lift and knew you would be happy and fulfilled, that was a huge fear for me.
Our family, Myself Dad and Kay that is your safety net. The world is a difficult place, even though being gay has came a long way and it is a lot different and much more accepted it is still going to be a hard road to travel. You are going to go through a lot and be exposed to hate and anger unfortunately as much as I want to be there to protect you from it all, I will not always be able to, this thought breaks my heart. I will however, be your team captain, I will fight for you, I will support you, I will combat the hatred one ignorant person at a time, that I can promise from the bottom of my heart.
When it comes to a boyfriend, all that ever matters to me and your dad is that you are happy. He has to treat you right and loves you, respects you and care for you so that you can grow and become the great man that we always knew you would be. Dad and I have always been so proud of all that you do, you are exactly the man I wanted and dreamed you would be.
I hope that by reading this that everyone takes a little something from it weather it be not to judge, to watch what you say and stop the hatred. I hope that maybe just maybe this will help people see that my son is my amazing hero. For the years of hurt and anguish he went through before he could come out and be honest with himself and others around him I only wish that no other child would have to go through such a thing, the thought is unimaginable.
If we as a community, as a society could take a minute and realize what are views are doing to our children my son and other gay and lesbian children would not have to suffer another moment. Please watch how you pass on your views to your children, if you hate they will hate. These kids are so much more then who they choose to love!
Thank you for letting me share my story.