This is the third of five letters we'll be sharing this week as part of our work with The Rainbow Letters, an initiative to generate healing and empathy around the topic of LGBTQ family through the art of letter-writing. Originally designed to increase visibility for children and adults with LGBTQ parents, The Rainbow Letters is now expanding its audience and calling for letters written by anyone who is or has family members who are LGBTQ. We look forward to sharing one letter with you each day this week!
You are not my father. You never have been, and you never will be, but that does not mean that you have not played an important role in my life and it is time I thank you for what you have done for my mothers and I.
Thank you for donating the sperm that allowed me to be brought into this world, and more specifically, into this incredibly loving family and the colourful community that surrounds it.
Thank you for respecting my mothers’ wishes and never demanding custody of me simply because I am your genetic child. Similarly, thank you for understanding that my moms are my real parents, and for never questioning that. And thank you for trusting my mothers when they told you that they would never come after you for child support. I realize that the there were many unknowns at the time of my conception because the laws do not make our situation easy, so thank you for taking a leap of faith.
Thank you for being willing to help two women conceive a child at a time when it was not entirely acceptable for lesbians to have families. Thank you for seeing how badly my mothers wanted a baby and for giving them the means to have one. I assure you that they have been the most loving and supporting parents a child could ever dream of.
Thank you for allowing me to have a relationship with you without you trying to be my father. I do not have a father, and that’s all there is. In place, I have two mothers whom I love and who have been my cheerleaders, my idols, and my biggest comforts for the past 18 years. And in addition, I have a donor. The donor-daughter relationship is not one that is described in books, shown on TV, or known by many, but that will surely change as society evolves to understand that families like mine are just as strong, loving, and worthy of a place in this world as nuclear families.
Thank you for introducing me to your family when I was curious about my heritage without ever pressuring me to consider them my family. Thank you for obliging my parents and writing a letter to me describing your heritage, your likes and dislikes, and your hopes and dreams for me. It has allowed me to understand my genetics and the “nature” part of my being.
I am grateful everyday that my parents chose a man as compassionate, respectful, and kind as you to be my donor.
So thank you Donor for all you have done for my family and I.
Your genetic offspring